Mama Silver's Circle Etiquette (Silver RavenWolf)
Pagan Manners, or Are There Any Dead Animals in the Soup? (Grey Cat & co)
A Brief Guide to Pagan Etiquette (Our Lady of Earth and Sky)
MAMA SILVER’S CIRCLE ETIQUETTE
By Silver RavenWolf
Here you are. Bunches of people crowded into someone’s house. This is great. Who's running this thing? Oh, that lady over there in the corner. Should I say anything to her? Nah. What if I stand in the wrong place? Do I have to tell somebody if I want to go to the bathroom? Whose kid is that running around the altar? A paper--am I supposed to say this? I just want to stand here and watch everyone else.
Whether you are a stranger to first time circle gatherings, a pro, or an intermittent guest, there are certain ways to conduct yourself so that you will definitely be remembered by the hostess and thereby be invited back. There are also things you can do that will guarantee you will never be invited back in this lifetime, or in any other. To make sure your presence is requested again and again, keep the following helpful hints in mind:
_When you arrive, seek out the host/ess and present yourself. _ Do not give him/her your complete resume, however. She (or he) is not going to remember it anyway, nor will they be impressed--probably the opposite.
_Do not cart a ton of ritual gear with you. _ Ask beforehand if you should bring anything special, and leave it at that.
_If your host/ess says wear street clothes, _ don’t show up in a kilt.
_Always bring the host/ess a small gift. _ We are not talking Rodeo Drive here. Something little and pleasant will do. Stay away from gag gifts. If you are a regular, go in for the practical items--paper towels, coffee, disposable cups, tea, toilet paper.
_If you are asked to bring food, don’t wuss out and bring a bag of potato chips. _ How gauche! Ask the hostess approximately how many people will be there and buy accordingly. If the hostess says you don’t need to bother, do it anyway. And what if you forgot the food? Turn yourself right around and find the nearest grocery store or leave a five or ten dollar bill where you know the hostess will find it later. And no, I don’t buy the line you have two children to support all by yourself, you had to make your car payment last night, or someone else can handle it because they have a better job than you.
_Take a bath. _ You think I jest?
_Do not bring your children_ unless they have been specifically invited by name and you know there will be both accommodations and supervision for them. The last thing a host/ess wants to hear is "What do you mean, you don’t have drinks for children?" or "You don’t have a place where Gertrude can lie down?" or even worse, "Jimmy, he’s such a little animal. He just put a hole in your door, isn’t that cute?"
_If you break it, you’ve bought it. _ Even if the hostess says through gritted teeth, "Oh, don’t worry about it," --you’d better be worrying your carcass off. If she won’t tell you how much it cost, do some price checking on your own later and either buy her/him something of the equivalent and deliver it at a later date or if you won’t be in town, send her/him a money order with a kind note of regret. Hostesses and hosts have memories like elephants. They are not likely to forget you set their table on fire with your portable grill.
_Major damage? _ Well, Goddess we hope not. Obviously, the above applies here, even if you have to make payments for the rest of your life, but what if the culprit won’t 'fess up to it (or won’t take the responsibility to replace it)? Be the first to take up a collection to replace whatever it was, even though it wasn’t your fault. This will serve two purposes; make the culprit feel like a you-know-what and shows your host/ess you all want to come back. It will also win you personal witchie-points.
_Be a good witch during circle. _ Don't talk out of turn, whisper or laugh at someone or something. Don't talk about the movie you went to last night, or how Lady Bee-Bop does the circle casting better. Don't whine and say, "Well what are we doing now? I don’t understand!" Keep your mouth shut and use your eyes, provided they are in working order, of course. If not, keep your mouth shut and listen. "Everyone in the circle is a participant, there are no spectators," says a friend of mine. She's right. If you are a quarter, be that quarter. If you don’t have a speaking part, your focus and energy is still required. You are just as much a part of that circle as those with major roles.
_Don't wander around the circle aimlessly. _ Keep your place and stay there. Never walk widdershins in a circle unless the High Priest or Priestess tells you to.
_Never enter a circle if you are mad at someone there. _ Go home quietly if you can’t handle it. Don't make someone’s house a battle ground and don’t make a big deal of the fact that you are leaving or scream you are being psychically attacked and somebody come help you quick. The host/ess may put you out through the doggie door.
_Never, ever make a scene or denigrate someone in circle_ or afterward during the celebration. This is bad manners, bad breeding and bad form all rolled into one. You won’t be highly thought of if you tell Lady Crackerjack she called the quarters wrong or you don’t believe angel energy was appropriate in a Celtic focus ritual. Pentacles to athames she’ll tell the hostess about your big mouth and guess who won’t be invited back next time?
_Don't wander throughout someone’s house, _ turn on the television, fiddle with the stereo, or rummage in the kitchen. You are a guest, not a roommate.
_Don't grab the first respectable person and tell them all your problems, _ from the bad timing of your birth into the horrendous way your last girlfriend treated you. Circle people can’t grant goddesshood and the confessional belongs to those other guys.
_Finally--learn when to go home. _ As your host/ess teeters on the brink of exhaustion, don’t remain planted like a sequoia. Pack up your gear, say thank-you very much for a lovely evening (even if you had a despicable time) and toddle on home.
If you think I made all this good stuff up off the top of my head to amuse you--think again. Just because you are Pagan doesn’t mean you burned Miss Manners in effigy and can turn your back on the stuff Mom tried to teach you. In fact, being Pagan means you care more about the people you come into contact with and their overall happiness and prosperity. Exercising good manners keeps everyone full of energy and cheer and anxious to do circle again soon.
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Are There Any Dead Animals in the Soup?
By Grey Cat, Members Advocate
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I can hear the outraged screams already. There are people out there who believe that the very idea of "Pagan Manners" is a conflict in terms; that "manners" are outdated, dishonest and hypocritical. Well, think again. Manners constitute the only successful technique ever discovered by humankind to enable groups and individuals, holding moderately disparate views, customs or beliefs, to get along together. There are things more important than manners; but, without manners, it’s unlikely that a discussion will ever go to them. Pagan manners are fairly simple and have nothing to do with which fork you use or how to word an invitation. They have to do with respect for others' feelings and beliefs. They most specifically have to do with recognition of the fact that you should "judge not the path of your brother or sister for their path is sacred." Manners are also the only way of attempting to grant everyone the personal space which each of us needs. There have been a number of attempts to write down a list of "thou shalts" and "thou shalt nots" which will cover Pagan life. Here are several tries made by four different people:
MY OWN OPINIONS
1. Never assume that you are invited to a ritual or a non-public gathering just because your friend is invited. Have your friend call the group doing the event and ASK! (or call yourself).
2. When participating in a ritual led by a group of which you are not a member, ask ahead of time what will be done. Should there be something in the explanation, or in the set-up of the ritual area which bothers you, just quietly don't participate in the ritual.
3. Ask the person(s) officiating at a ritual before you place anything in the ritual area; wear clothing or tools which might be considered unusual; or add private energy workings to the ritual being done.
4. Never just walk out of a cast ritual circle. Ask someone in the group sponsoring the ritual to cut you a door if you're really and truly absolutely have to leave.
5. Don't make comments on the ritual, its leaders or the amount or quality of the energy raised during the ritual unless such opinions are asked for by the leaders. Save it for your friends, privately, after the ritual is over.
6. Vegetarians, Vegans, Strict Carnivores, Diabetics, and any others with very strong food preferences: no one minds your asking quietly and politely "Which dishes have meat (sugar, spices, hot pepper, etc.) in them?" When planning a meal for mixed Pagan/Wiccan groups, it is strongly suggested that at least some of the dishes be vegetarian, sugar-free, relatively non-spicy, etc. At all times, within and without the ritual context, always provide an alternative to alcoholic beverages.
7. While many people have become far less secretive about their membership in a Pagan group, it is never, EVER, permissible to "blow someones cover". Do not ever call a friend or acquaintance by their Pagan name or mention their membership in a mundane situation. It is also bad manners - and a symptom of social climbing - to call an individual by his/her mundane name in a Pagan situation. It always reminds me of an extra calling John Wayne "The Duke" at a local bar.
8. Whether you drink, take drugs or indulge in other similar behavior is completely your own business. It is always wrong to urge such behavior on any other individual. The majority of serious Pagan groups absolutely do NOT allow anyone under the influence of drugs or alcohol to participate in ritual. Do not be offended if you are turned away for this reason. If you are taking a psycho-active drug for a medical reason it is very wise to check with the ritual leader(s) so they will understand and can advise you if they feel the ritual might be harmful to you.
9. Just because most Pagans/Wiccans are under 40 and in reasonably good physical
condition, never assume that everyone is. Rituals and gatherings should be planned so that those with physical problems aren't barred totally from participation. Particularly in ritual, be aware that many more people than you might think are "mobility disabled." Group ritual should take place in an accessible area and some thought should be given to designating a safe place for those not taking part in dancing to stand or sit. Please be alert to anyone to whom help would be welcome. Help them to find a campsite which minimizes walking - to the ritual area, to the privies, to the eating area - whatever. Help them pitch their camp. Don't make them feel unwelcome - most handicapped people have worked extra hard on their magickal skills and may be able to add a great deal to the power in ritual and to the success of the gathering.
10. When at any sort of gathering, please be thoughtful. Particularly please observe true quiet after midnight. No one minds if you and others want to stay up all night talking or whatever. Everyone else minds a great deal if you stay up talking and laughing loudly and/or drumming. Those hosting a gathering should take the responsibility of keeping the noise level very low in at least some of the sleeping areas - and designating it as a quiet area.
11. Do not allow yourself to get the idea that you know the One True, Right and Only Path! Even if you really do have the conviction that what someone else is doing is "wrong", "incorrect", "Left-hand path" or whatever, just don't talk about it. It is perfectly permissible to refrain from participating in the activities of those with whom you cannot feel comfortable. It is not acceptable to express the idea that they "shouldn't" be doing it. This is not to say that if you know of criminal behavior on the part of a so-called Pagan/Wiccan group you should not report it. We must also be responsible for cleaning up our own act. Paganism is glorified by its diversity. Please do not allow yourself to express judgement by categories. Whether or not you like or dislike blacks, Indians, Homosexuals, women, men, or whatever, keep it to yourself! If you really and truly cannot feel comfortable taking part in a ritual which isn't conducted according to the tradition you follow or if you cannot be pleasant in company mixed with groups you disapprove of, please just stay home.
PAGAN/CRAFT ETIQUETTE
By Soapbox Sam
Listed below are not hard and fast rules, but some helpful guidelines for those who would function smoothly in a craft/Pagan environment.
1. Should you write to someone for information, always enclose a SASE (Self-addressed, Stamped Envelope). Many of us receive several inquiries a day. Sometimes just answering them, much less having to pay the postage and buy envelopes, is a time-consuming, expensive task!
2. Should your inquiry be about Pagan/Craft folks in your area, tell about yourself, and how you came to have our names and wrote to us -after all the Inquisition is alive and sick here in the heart of the Bible Belt. Do not expect names and addresses unless they are already" public". Most of us, even the "public" Pagan/Craft folks prefer to meet people slowly and carefully over a cup of coffee in a public place, before we start introducing you to our groups and our friends. Why should we risk when you have risked nothing? (Sometimes I get mail that simply has a name and address on it and demand that I send the latest copy of my newsletter or the names and addresses/phone numbers of all Craft people in the writer's areas. One man sent me a letter raising hell because he has (according to him) sent me $0.33 in the mail and was waiting on the copy of my newsletter "I owed him"! Sadly, this type of letter is more common than not... his letter and 33 cents, if ever sent, was never received. Do I really have to explain to grown mature adults about sending money through the mails???)
3. If you are invited to a gathering or festival, whether by written or oral invitation, before you invite others, get permission. Because of space, or other considerations, the number of people that can be accommodated might be limited, or certain individuals or groups may not be welcome because of personality conflicts and resulting disharmony. Also, if a weekend gathering is scheduled and you can only arrive for the ritual and then must leave, ask if that is OK...sometimes the ritual is the climax of the entire gathering, rather than an event in itself; in that case to show up only for the ritual not having been part of the entire event is to 'take-away' from the meaning of the whole for those who were there!
4. Always inquire what you should bring to any gathering. If you have received an official invitation, you should have been told. But, assume nothing! Ask if you need to bring food, robes, candles, drinks, eating utensils (forks, cups, plates, etc). It is unreasonable and rude to assume that an invitation to a gathering means that people just like yourselves, will expect you to come and eat their food, use their utensils and leave a mess for them to clean up after you have gone. If you cannot take food, then at least offer the gatherings sponsors a cash donation to help defray their cost. If you can't stay to help clean up afterwards, at least be considerate enough to get your own refuse to a garbage container.
5. To be invited to participate in another's ritual is NOT your right, but rather a privilege and an honor. If you are unfamiliar with their tradition, common courtesy demands that you at least inquire about enough information to participate in a positive fashion, and most certainly, make no assumptions about adding anything to the circle or placing your "special' crystals, totems, whatever in the circle or at a specific place within the circle without getting permission. Also, do not remove anything from a circle even should you feel it doesn't belong, without explaining why and getting permission.
6. It should not have to be said, but then neither should any of the above: If these Pagan/Craft rituals have no meaning in your life, and if you have just come for the fellowship, then enjoy the fellowship and please do not attend the ritual. The circle is a significant part of our entire way of life, not a reenactment of some past event just for the sake of the pageantry. When we can, we are pleased to share it with you, and we do so in Love and Light with Peace and Laughter.
IDEAS FROM MERLIN THE ENCHANTER
1. Be Yourself... if you worry about what others think, then you won't think for yourself... and if you don't think for yourself, you may as well be dead!
2. Allow all others to be themselves... just because Joe Blow from kokomo has blue candles on his altar and you use only white ones, that doesn't mean he is the son of Satan. We must each one be allowed our own Pagan path in freedom, for if we cannot do that, then we have no freedom!
3. Let's stop all the silliness of who is and is not a Witch, and what one must do to be a witch.
4. Don't ask for someone's opinions unless you really want it! More Witch wars are started because someone asked for another's views and didn't like the answer they got!
5. Add a dose of good humor (the worst Witches are the ones that take everything so
S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y!)
IDEAS FROM BEKET ASER EDITHSDATTER
It is necessary that we learn to be just plain adult about working together - or even, just existing on the same planet.
1. If you can't tolerate any slightest deviation from your own tradition, do not take part in public or cross-cultural rituals or gatherings.
2. If you have ideas of what should be in the ritual; or what should not - go to the planning meeting and express your opinions.
3. If you delegate a task to someone else - you have made it their job. The only thing you have to say is "Thank you". When and how they do it is their business so long as it is done at the moment it is required.
4. Appoint somebody to keep notes of the planning meetings - as things are said, not afterwards, or, inevitably, there will be disagreements about the ground rules.
5. Gossip: There are a few situations wherein it is legitimate to pass on "gossip". The following suggestions are not all-inclusive but may serve to give guidelines for judging:
a. When a major life change definitely is occurring to someone with whom you and the person to whom you pass on the information frequently work.
b. When you are acting as resource to help someone decrease a situation of disagreement.
c. When you really plan to take positive action to alleviate the situation the gossip refers to.
d. (This situation really does not occur all that often.) When warning someone about an individual whose practices are definitely undesirable for a reason other than that you don't like them.
e. When you have truly accurate information to counteract damaging and inaccurate rumor.
6. When examining a situation to decide whether or not you, yourself, are under psychic attack, be sure to ask yourself if it couldn't be because being under attack makes you feel important.
7. Within the group or group structure, the High Priest and/or High Priestess are generally entitled to your respect and a certain amount of deference. If they really, really don't know as much as you do, perhaps it is time that you take a fond and friendly leave of them/him/her and begin a group of your own. Obviously, group or group affairs are appropriate subjects for discussion among all the members, and the HP/S definitely should be willing to listen to reasonable suggestions. However, you joined the group in order to learn from its leaders; a year or two of study probably doesn't qualify you to suddenly object to all their teachings, methods, and beliefs. Above all, it is inappropriate to try to stir up the whole group and "take over" the group. The leaders have put a good deal of time, patience, thought and teaching into building the group and giving it a good name - if you want to be Witch Queen of the Universe, start your own group from scratch and try to become good enough to earn status yourself. The goal is not big groups; it is the best possible groups.
For group leaders: They need to be grown-up enough to know that every disagreement isn't necessarily a personal attack. They need to develop leadership skills to avoid confrontation and inflexibility. They need to know how to lead without dominating and they need an intense interest in the health of the group. The HP/S needs to listen to the ideas of the members and to use their ideas whenever possible.
They should be able to explain rationally why certain ideas cannot be used.
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A Brief Guide to Pagan Etiquette
(from the Skiing the Magickal Bunny Slope Class)
If you choose to travel along a Pagan path, you will enter a culture that is most likely quite different from the one you grew up in. Here are some pointers to help avoid uncomfortable moments as you go. These guidelines were written with the Seattle Pagan Community in mind: things elsewhere may be different.
At Public Events
1. Be sure you know how a group you are working with expects you to behave in sacred space. In a Wiccan circle, for example, once the circle is cast it may only be left a) once it is taken down, b)if someone else "gates" you out (or if you gate yourself out once you learn how; if you do, please let a ritualist know you are doing so); or c) in some traditions, if you are a virgin. Generally speaking, people should not leave circle unless it is some sort of an emergency. In this case, inform a ritualist of the emergency. These guidelines are usually explained prior to the ritual; if not, ask before the ritual starts.
2. If you are participating in or observing a ritual, focus your attention on it. As a rule, you should not speak out of turn. There is usually a time for casual socializing either before or after a rite, or in some cases during it.
3. Should you find yourself taking a child into circle, be aware that you are responsible for that child's actions. If he or she will not either pay attention or amuse him/herself quietly, remove him/her from the ritual space. If you are attending a ritual for the first time, be sure it's OK to bring kids. Some groups don't allow children for various reasons, and some rites may not be appropriate for them. If you have kids, keep your eyes open for child-friendly events. They DO exist!
4. If you are not comfortable participating in a circle dance, chant, or other activity, that's fine; step out of the dancers' way or stand quietly during the chant. It is considered very rude to stand at the edge of the room outside the edge of the circle of participants, so have the courtesy to stand or sit with the others in the circle, even if you do nothing else. No responsible ritualists will force you to do anything you don't want to do. If you find that you're really uncomfortable with being in the circle, ask to be gated out.
5. Do not take energy from a person or ritual without explicit permission. Different people/rituals raise very different kinds of energy. Recharging yourself from a convenient person/ritual can have negative results depending on the type of energy raised. If you feel run down on an astral level, practice grounding, get some food, sleep and exercise, and lay off the energy work for awhile--you'll feel better. Taking energy from other individuals in general is a bad idea--"psychic vampires" aren't very popular. Always ask permission to give energy to someone who seems run-down, or take if from someone if you are. This question is OK to ask! (In some cases it is OK to take a little energy from the ritual. If this is so, you will be encouraged to do so, and, in a well-run circle, instructed how to do so.)
6. If you are in a group of magically trained people, it's usually best not to manipulate energy in the form of balls, strands, webs, short-lived elementals, etc. unless the entire group is working on such things. Sitting around generating random energy thingys for no good reason makes people look at you funny, and it can wear you out if you're still learning how to ground.
7. Usually public events have a site fee. It may not be obvious when you enter the site who should get the money; ask until you find someone who's in charge of taking it. Remember, Pagans don't have paid clergy, and if those attending the ritual don't pitch in for space rental, cakes and ale, and fliers, it comes out of the
ritualists' pockets. On the other hand, if you really can't afford to pay, it is reasonable to ask to help clean up or something in exchange for attending.
8. If you're going to an event where there will be a potluck, it's considerate (and ecologically responsible!) to bring your own reusable eating ware. Buying lots of disposables for a ritual not only causes the host group to jack up the site fee to cover expenses, it creates lots of waste that will sit in a landfill for a very, very long time. Also, if at all possible, don't make your potluck contribution a bag of chips you grab at the supermarket on your way to the rite. Energy work can be very draining, and it's important to have plenty of substantial food available.
9. If you are drunk, stoned, or on strong prescription drugs, you do not belong in circle. These things can disrupt your energy pattern and interfere with circle work. The exception to this is if you need to take prescription medicine to regulate your mood or personality. The point here is, if you're high (on ANYTHING), don't go into circle.
You may also consider whether or not you belong in circle if you are very emotionally aroused (e.g., really pissed off at someone), since group work assumes everyone is in a fairly neutral headspace.
Working with a Group
1. If you want to see how a particular group works, contact them to find out the procedure for visiting one of their events. Some groups require sponsorship for guests. If you are working with a group and would like to bring a guest, check with group leaders to be sure it's OK. (Prospective guests would do well to be sure their sponsor has OK'd them before going--particularly in small group settings like Wiccan covens.)
2. Try to contribute to the needs of the group by bringing a potluck dish, materials like candles or whatever, etc. Some groups expect you to do so, some do not. Check ahead. Groups vary in their arrangements; if you decide to join one or work with one regularly, you may be expected to host meetings on a rotational basis, prepare ritual space, serve a meal to guests, clean up the meeting space, contribute time, money or materials to events, etc. It is wise to check these responsibilities before committing yourself to a group!
3. Check with your group to learn proper protocol for identifying members, discussing group business with non-members, etc. Some are very secretive about membership, locations of rituals, etc. in order to avoid persecution. Never, ever give away names or contact phone numbers or addresses of members in the group without their express permission on a case by case basis. Even if the group is casual about public identification, there's nothing worse than being plagued by a pest who got hold of your phone number and wants to know how to banish the demon they've summoned at 2am.
4. It is polite and helpful to label all contributions to your Book of Shadows or its equivalent for any path you wish to pursue. This avoids confusion over who made up what chant or ritual, etc.
Touchy-Feely
1. It is best not to touch any other magically trained person Without their permission. As part of training one develops a certain energy "signature" about them, and untrained folks can drive a "sensitive" crazy
with their erratic signatures. This is particularly true in a group working situation where it is not usually appropriate to remain energetically "shielded" from others.
You can never tell if your signature will be attractive or repulsive to any given person, and trained people are usually pretty good at detecting the kinds of auras they enjoy hanging out with and those they don't. Touch can amplify a signature, and for this reason touching without their permission is a bad idea. (One possible exception is holding hands in open community rituals, for a spiral dance or similar.)
People who give backrubs without asking first may find themselves being avoided (and incidentally, asking if someone would like a backrub is a pretty good way to find out if it's OK to touch them). The same goes for hugging. If you don't know anyone at an event you're visiting, don't hug folks just because they're hugging each other. Assess the situation carefully to gauge how appropriate touching may be. And don't be afraid to say no if someone who makes your hair stand on end comes after you.
2. It is extremely rude to touch any ritual tools, jewelry or other gear without asking the owner for permission first. Tools are specifically "charged" with their owner's energy, and other people touching them can interfere with the charge. It's perfectly OK to examine an altar or tool with your eyes, and folks appreciate flattering comments or questions about their tools or setup. If you make a comment about someone's ritual tool, they may offer to let you inspect it more carefully. Treat the tool with respect if you handle it. It's also OK to ask someone if you can pick up or otherwise handle a tool; bear in mind that it's OK for them to say no, and don't be offended.
3. Neo-Pagans have dramatically different sexual standards than most "main stream" folks. In the Seattle area, the Neo-Pagan/Magickal communities have a lot of overlap with Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual communities, s/m and leather groups, and folks who practice polyfidelity. The variations are infinite. As a general rule, if it's between two (or more) consenting adults and does not involve illegal activity of any kind, then it's nobody's business to criticize. On the other hand, being a member of any of the aforementioned groups is not a prerequisite to be Neo-Pagan or a Magician. (Some very specific groups do incorporate certain sexual practices in their work, and as such may discriminate on basis of sexual orientation or practice. Probably if you don't fit their prerequisites, you're not interested anyway.)
Being a Neo-Pagan/Magician is NOT an excuse to have unprotected, irresponsible, or abusive sex, or to be the victim of any of these. Use common sense; say no if you need to. If someone does not respect your will in matters sexual, treat them as you would any other sex offender. The relative sexual freedom in the Pagan/Magickal communities is also not license to pet, fondle or stroke anyone you find attractive. Folks who continuously grope will find themselves asked to leave events.
4. Some Neo-Pagan/Magickal groups use nudity in their work. Most "mainstream" folks don't respond well to nudity among strangers, so it's understood that you may need to take your time getting used to the idea before participating in any such rituals. Responsible groups and ritualists are very sensitive to issues surrounding nudity, and will make it optional or separate.
Nudity in a ritual context is almost never sexual. There are a few exceptions that usually have to do with small groups who know each other well or magical orders who make such requirements clear at the outset. If you find yourself in a ritual situation of any kind where suddenly it becomes apparent that you are expected to participate in sex and you weren't warned beforehand, leave. Quickly. Don't go back, and spread the word so others avoid the group.
5. At Neo-Pagan festivals you are likely to encounter the Aphrodite or Pan Shrine. These spaces are specifically set aside for sexual celebration and worship of these deity archetypes. They should be stocked with condoms, dental dams and a cozy place to frolic. Layouts differ; in some cases you may have to wait your turn to use a small space, in some there may several semi-private spaces for use at any one time. It's OK to go alone, but if others are there, respect their privacy, and feel free to accept or decline an invitation for you to join them. It's not place to hang out to indulge in voyeuristic tendencies or otherwise gawk, chat, or be distracting to worshippers. The shrine is a sacred space dedicated to worship, and as such your behavior within it should be properly respectful.
6. At festivals, nudity is not uncommon and bathing and toilet areas are usually co-ed. Privacy is what you make of it; you may need to bring a tent or RV, or you may be staying with others in cabins or other structures. If there is swimming or hot-tubbing, nudity will probably be the norm (some request that you not wear bathing suits into hot tubs so as not to foul up the filtration).
In General...
Do not share energy with someone else without their permission. They may not want it. For some traditions and groups, this rule is extended to include not doing energy work for anyone who hasn't specifically requested it. The idea is that if you weren't looking for the energy, you might receive it badly. If someone isn't wanting or expecting energy from you, it can manifest in the form of a headache, loss of concentration, confusion, or other things based on your intent and their receptive ability.
It is always a possible intrusion on someone's free will to work energy for their benefit (and certainly to work it to their detriment) without their request. Even when doing seemingly benign healing work, you must consider carefully if what you are doing is in a person's best interest or in accordance with their will.
Revised 3/26/97
Copyright © 1997 Our Lady of the Earth and Sky